NormNews | The Daily Norm

Dec 10

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me…

…four colly birds

I know what you’re thinking – is that a misprint – isn’t it 4 calling birds? Well, here’s the newsflash – 4 calling birds is wrong! And thank goodness for Normy, whose dedicated research uncovered this now largely unknown mistake!

Yes, persevering in his hunt of the gifts fabled to be given to a loved one in the carol, The Twelve Days of Christmas, Normy was researching online to find out where on earth he would find 4 calling birds to give to his dear Normette…only to discover that actually he should be giving her 4 colly birds. Various theories exist online as to why the colly of the 16th century verse gradually became mixed up and morphed into calling birds. But now that the mistake has firmly taken hold in the consciousness of so many, we at The Daily Norm thought it was about time the record was put straight. And not only that. Normy was adamant that he would give Normette a present representing the correct version of the carol.

However, despite his efforts, poor Normy got carried away with his internet research. Having discovered that the word colly derives from colliery, (which is a coal mine) and that a colly is actually another word for a blackbird, this nickname being given because of the blackbird’s coal-like black feathers, Normy then started researching where he could buy blackbirds. Sure enough, he came across that other popular verse, Sing a song of sixpence, A pocket full of rye. Four and twenty blackbirds, Baked in a pie, and quite forgetting which lyrics he was meant to be emulating, ordered 4 blackbirds baked in a pie! Imagine then the shock Normette experienced when she sat down to a Christmas feast with her friends and family only to break into a pie full of live blackbirds! I’m not sure she will ever get over the shock!

On the 4th day of Christmas my Normy gave to me 4 colly birds (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

Let’s hope Normy does better on the fifth day of Christmas…

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

On the First day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me… (daily-norm.com)
On the Second day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me… (daily-norm.com)
On the Third day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me… (daily-norm.com)

Dec 7

11 Comments

On the Third day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me…

…three French hens

Now that’s more like it. A little bit of class, newly arrived straight from across the channel via eurostar. These three french hens are the height of chic. There’s the typically-French hen, sporting “le pullover” in iconic stripy blue and white, a string of onions and of course a little black beret; then fashionista-hen, draped with Coco Chanel’s characteristic long beads of pearls and a quilted chanel bag, along with louboutin shoes and a waft of Chanel No.5; and finally cabaret-hen, straight out of the Moulin Rouge herself, with a fetching outfit of fishnet and can-can frills, topped with an exuberant feathered head-dress (as if she needed more feathers).

Oh yes, these hens ought to perfectly reflect Normette’s stylish bearing, although she must remember that French hens aren’t just any old hens. Oh no. They require regular trips to the Harrods pet pampering salon, a cosy cashmere nest in which to lay their Fabergé eggs and a diet full of French delicacies such as oysters, baguette, moules-frites and, ewww, frogs legs… hmmm, good luck with sourcing those Normette.

On the third day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me…3 French Hens (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

What will Normy give her on day four?

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

On the Second day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me… (daily-norm.com)
On the First day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me… (daily-norm.com)

Dec 6

15 Comments

On the Second day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me…

… two turtle doves (and a partridge in a Norm-pear tree)

These extravagant Christmas presents on each of the 12 days of Christmas are all very well, but as Normette has quickly found out, some of them are more trouble than they’re worth. Take day two’s offering. Two turtle doves? What kind of a present is that? Not only are these strange creatures a kind of hybrid between dove and turtle, but sadly for Normette, who has all sorts of Christmas shopping to get on with (not to mention a manicure down at the local beauty salon) her turtle doves appear to have adopted all the sluggardly pace of a turtle, and none of the graceful speed of a dove. Not only that, but with a great lumbering shell on their backs, how ever is Normette supposed to fit the creatures into the dovecot provided by her lover on this second day of Christmas?

Let’s hope he does better on the third…

On the second day of Christmas my Normy gave to me…Two turtle doves (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

On the First day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me… (daily-norm.com)

Dec 5

17 Comments

On the First day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me…

…a partridge in a Norm-pear tree.

We’re into December and Christmas is but weeks away. Hard to believe really that it’s come around so quickly, but now that my decorations are up, it’s time to get the Norms into gear as well.

This year, as part of the Norms’ celebration of Christmas, the Norms have decided to recount one of their favourite Christmas carols: “The Twelve Days of Christmas” in illustrated form. Now before you say anything, I know that the 12 days of Christmas don’t start until after Christmas day itself, but let’s face facts here, no one is really interested in Christmas much after the Downton Abbey Christmas special has aired at around 10pm on the 25th. So it’s only appropriate that the Norms’ recollection of this much-loved carol is celebrated now, on these heady days leading up to Christmas.

So, as the familiar carol goes, on the 12 days of Christmas, Normy gave his lover a gift each day, the gift becoming more and more extravagant as the days went on.

A partridge in a Norm-pear tree (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

“On the first day of Christmas, my Normy gave to me, a partridge in a Norm-pear tree”.

Now this may be the first gift of many, but do not underestimate its value: the Norm-pear tree is a rare and interesting phenomenon, rarely seen by us humans. While scientists looking into the complex genealogy of the Norm species have yet to understand the true process by which a Norm is born, it is widely considered that Norms, who are by nature intrinsically pear-shaped, are actually born from the Norm-pear tree. Starting as flowers with a fragrance as sweet as honeyed nectar, and a colour the shade of azure-tinted white, the Norm-pears take several months to develop from a small round blob into the perfect curvaceous Norm-shape we love and know. In the final stages of gestation, the Norm develops his characteristic one arm and his wide eyes open to the light of day. At this point it is thought that the Norm will fall to the ground, leaving his leaves and stalk behind on the tree, and will, owing to his gelatinous form, bounce a little until coming to a stop. And so the Norm life begins.

So that’s the theory, and you will, no doubt, understand now what a precious gift Normy has given his lover on the first day of Christmas. The fact that there is a pesky partridge sitting inside it is by-the-by.

What will Normy give his lover on the second day of Christmas?

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sep 20

2 Comments

The Daily Sketch: Milkmaid Norm

Now you see admittedly there’s a problem with this title. To call this Norm a Milkmaid is a little misleading, because he’s not a maid at all. But call him a Milkman, and you’d expect this little Norm to be driving around in an electric-powered milk van making his early morning deliveries around the towns and suburbs of Britain. He may go on to do that later of course (farms are generally short of staff these days – you know, what with all the reduced EU farming subsidies and all) but that’s hardly the point. I suppose as an alternative, I could call him a MilkNorm, but that just gives all the wrong ideas. Norms are white enough as they are, let alone being confused for a globule of milk (and it’s not as if they haven’t tried to tan, but it tends to turn them a kind of unattractive vertiginous purple rather than a butterscotch brown).

Milk(maid) Norm (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

So there we have it. It’s a dilemma which may serve to overshadow this otherwise bucolic scene of pastures green and an attractive friesian cow being milked by her proud milkmai…man…Norm… Here we go again. I give up. Enjoy the sketch while remembering an apparently important lesson in life – not everyone can be labelled. Some Norms just want to be themselves.

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sep 17

2 Comments

The Daily Sketch: Pirate Norm

As Pirate Norms go, Captain Normook the Grizzly is pretty cheesed off. He used the be the big wig. The hook armed Captain of the Pirate Norms who had waged wars on soldiers and sailers, merchants and mermaids around the seven seas, stolen treasure aplenty, sold it and drunk his way into oblivions fantastic. No one crossed him, all were in awe, and only his parrot dared to answer back.

Imagine his displeasure then when this summer, suddenly all those who were in awe of him, afraid of his authority and most of all of his ghastly sharp hook, started to rebuff him altogether. Hook for hand? That no longer impressed. Once his fellow pirate Norms caught sight of the brilliant Paralympic Norms in a newspaper discovered somewhere in a Coca-cola bottle floating around somewhere in the South Pacific, they suddenly realised that a hook for an arm was nothing – these Paralympians had lost their bounce and for countering that they deserved real respect. Thus it was that one afternoon, after far too many rum cocktails on the island of Hoopalulu, Captain Normook the Grissly was deserted by his own crew and left only to his treasure and his parrot and a few measly palm trees.

Pirate Norm (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

Let this be a lesson to you… complacency killed the cat… or something like that (appropriate adage wanted – answers on a postcard please).

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sep 9

3 Comments

The Daily Sketch: Paralympic Norms at London 2012

After 7 years of preparation and even more before that of imagination, London 2012 will officially reach its grand finale tonight as the petal cauldron is extinguished for the final time, and fireworks fill the skies in celebration of what has surely been the most spectacular Olympic and Paralympic games known to man.

In the parallel olympiad celebrated in Norm world, the Norm Paralympic Games have been a roaring success. Here we see the paralympic stars of the wheelchair 1500km. It’s the final lap, and crowd favourite, Normi the Brit, is on the outside lap, neck and neck for second place but doing everything in his Norm power to overtake Normski, the Russian paralympian currently taking the lead. Will the crowd spur Normi on to victory?

Meanwhile in the background, another paralympian Norm takes their turn in the wheelchair discus. These sporting achievements are a fantastic accomplishment for the paralympian Norms who, by reason of their bodies’ lost ability to bounce properly, have been rendered disabled and reliant upon a wheelchair for their transportation. Yet despite this obvious disadvantage in life, they have proved that any obstacle, no matter how severe, can be overcome with perseverance and strength of will. In this respect the Paralympic games have been a lesson for us as, and their legacy, rising from the ashes of the extinguished flame tonight, will surely live on for generations to come.

Paralympian Norms in the Wheelchair 1500km (2012 © Nicholas de Lacy-Brown, pen on paper)

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Licence to thrill: The London 2012 Paralympic Experience (normsonline.wordpress.com)
The Daily Sketch London 2012 – 100 metres at the Athletics Stadium (normsonline.wordpress.com)
The Daily Sketch London 2012 – Norms at the Olympic Park (normsonline.wordpress.com)

Sep 4

The Daily Sketch: Norms guillotined in the Place de la Concorde

As the rigour and excitement of the Paralympic Games continues to thrill not only us in London, but also the millions of viewers around the world, spare a thought for those young ones amongst us for whom this week may well spell the end of their summers and the start of a whole new school year. God, I used to hate this time of the year – that compulsory trip to the school uniform shop with my mother, trying on a scratchy new knitted jumper, full of foreboding for the cold days and dark nights to come, the homework, the long lessons and the exams at the end of it all, and all this when my golden summer tan was still fresh on my skin.

For many, that time has come, but as this Norm sketch shows, learning need not be a drag, especially if history is on the timetable for the first day. History is all around us you see, and this is no more so than in Paris, a city laced with its own fair share of gruesome tales, like this one, in the Place de la Concorde (or the Place de la Révolution as it was known then), where on 21 January 1793, King Louis XVI was sensationally beheaded upon the gruesome guillotine, along with his much despised wife, Queen Marie Antoinette (“let them eat cake” and all that jazz).

Here we join this bloody day of Norm history, as Marie Antoinette has just lost her head, and Louis XVI, looking at the blade hanging menacingly above his head, knows that he is next. All around him, the soldiers of the revolution see that this day of reckoning goes down without interruption, while close by, the serene elaborate statues of the nearby fountains look on, a reminder that although all we see today is the architectural glory of this square, not so many years ago it was a place of significant blood shed and historical significance.

Vive la Révolution! (Not that I approve of beheading I should add).

See you next time.

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Daily Sketch: Pharaoh Norms return to the Louvre (normsonline.wordpress.com)
The Daily Sketch: Nun Norms visit the Sacré Coeur (normsonline.wordpress.com)
The Daily Sketch: Norms at the Musée Rodin (normsonline.wordpress.com)

Aug 30

1 Comment

The Daily Sketch: Pharaoh Norms return to the Louvre

London’s Paralympics have begun, and peoples from around the world have drained away from their home cities and headed for London, newly reappointed centre of the world. In fair Paris, with the August absence of the Parisians still conspicuous, and a raft of tourists headed North over La Manche, a group of strange looking Norms have taken advantage of the silence descending the city, and arrived at the famous Musée du Louvre in search of something which they think belongs to them.

Attracted by the familiar shape of the Louvre’s huge glass pyramid, now the iconic symbol of a reimagined contemporary Louvre, designed by I M Pei, and made all the more famous by the conspiracy theories of Dan Brown, these Norms emerge from the ancient land of Egypt, brought back to life from deep within their gilded tombs in search of the historical artefacts ravaged from their burial places and placed in grand museums such as the Louvre. Yes, the Pharaoh Norms have returned to the Louvre, in search of their birthright heritage, and yet dragging with them a Mummy Norm, just in case they change their mind and decided to make a new donation to the French collection… (they’re rather capricious, these ancient Egypnorms).

Here we join them as they formulate a strategy for their great heist of the Louvre’s Egyptology galleries. They’ve found the pyramid, but the glass has confused them. Is this witchcraft which has made the pyramid appear before them and yet not? There’s much to muse over in this brave new world around them. I think we’ll leave them to it.

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Daily Sketch: Nun Norms visit the Sacré Coeur (normsonline.wordpress.com)
The Daily Sketch: Norms at the Musée Rodin (normsonline.wordpress.com)

Aug 20

4 Comments

The Daily Sketch: Nun Norms visit the Sacré Coeur

Back to Paris, where the Norms continue to pass the time between Olympic and Paralympic excitement by visiting the fair city at the political and cultural centre of France. But today, we do not join the typical kind of tourists. Rather, here at the stunning Sacré Coeur atop Paris’ Butte de Montmartre, two groups of Norm Nuns have come to visit their fellow Nuns who reside at one of Paris’ most iconic sacred spots. One group, from the Convent of Sister Norma in Sittingbourne (in the ordinary black habits) are not sure what is more fascinating – the Sacré Coeur and its unbeatable views of Paris below, or the strange pointy Cornette habits of their fellow nuns, visiting form El Convento de Maria Norma de Nova in Castille y Leon. Whatever their interest, all the Nun Norms are assured a happy day out in Montmartre, Paris’ crowning glory.

© Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm, 2001-2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of the material, whether written work, photography or artwork, included within The Daily Norm without express and written permission from The Daily Norm’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicholas de Lacy-Brown and The Daily Norm with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.